Hate is such a strong word, but...

I really do hate him sometimes!

All last week I had Ron's car because he went on a little vacation to visit the Amazon Woman. (Seriously, she's like 4 inches taller than Ronnie). I drove him to the airport so I agreed to pick him up too.

So last night C. and I went to pick him up. C. was all excited because I told him who we were going to get. He kept saying, "Dada! Dada!" over and over again. After entertaining C for about 10 minutes we finally spot Ron walking through the gate. I yell to him and he points to baggage claim and keeps walking. He was on his cell phone. When we catch up to him he bends down (phone still to ear) and says hi to C. Then he starts walking away and says he needs to smoke.... leaving C. and I standing there looking after him. His lip started quivering like he was going to start crying. My heart completely broke for C. He was so excited to see his Dada and Ron can't even get off the phone and wait to smoke for FIVE minutes after getting off the plane... and of course he was talking to HER.

At this point my pregnancy hormones kick in big time and I start balling my eyes out. I'm trying not to let C. see, but he can tell that I'm upset.

When Ron comes back in C. acted like he could care less that his dad was there. C. completely ignored him. When Ron asked what was wrong with me I went off on him... Of course he just brushed it off like I was making a big deal out of nothing. Excuse me?? That's my little boy's heart that you're breaking here! Thinking about it is making me get all teary eyed again.

Ugh! I HATE HIM! I hate him for what he did to our family! I hate him for not being the good father that he promised to be! I FUCKING HATE HIM! Why me? Why did he choose to marry me? Why did he want to have kids with me? Why did he do all of this only to turn around 6+ years later and screw up my life??? WHY?????!!!!!!!!! AND WHY DID I GO ALONG WITH IT????

I can't wait til he leaves for South Carolina and we never hear from him again. I only say that because I can already see it coming... He's been back in SD for almost a month and a half and has yet to have any kind of visitation with C. I doubt that will change from now until he leaves and I doubt it will change when he's 3000 miles away....

Thank God B. won't grow up having any kind of memory of this loser... at least not for the first several years of his life! At least I can spare him a few years of disappointment unlike C. who still gets excited when he hears the word Dada. =(