Have I mentioned how much I despise my ex lately? The only thing he is worth is the child support he pays and the insurance that covers me and the boys...
He knows I'm about to give birth ANY day now...
He knows that he'll be leaving for SC next month...
He knows that he and C have VERY LITTLE time left to spend together...
So what does he do? He has his skanky whore fly out here from Ottowa, Canada to visit him! (From the night of the 28th til Jan 6th... My b-day is the 3rd....) And then wonders why I wouldn't allow him to take C this weekend. Hmm... I wonder?
It makes ME wonder why the hell she's spening the week after Christmas out here in SD when her son is in Houston, TX with her parents. What kind of mom does that???!!!!
It also makes me wonder why Ron SUDDENLY wants to take C for a whole weekend... So they can play house with my son? So he can look like father of the freakin' year to his slut? He hasn't seen C since he watched him for an hour during my prenatal appointment on December 15th. He didn't call on C's birthday and he didn't call on Christmas. He hasn't bought him any birthday or Christmas presents and I'm sure has no plans to do so.... (Not that C NEEDS any more toys! lol)
This whole thing makes me sick to my stomach....
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Organized
Yesterday my mom and I went to our storage unit to organize it a little better and to get out our Christmas decorations and some more baby stuff. Before we went over to my unit I had my mom drive by Ron's old one. (He was supposed to be moved out last week.) The lock hadn't been cut yet! So my mom and I grabbed anything and everything we could. I'm so glad we went back there to look because I now have all of my kitchen stuff back as well as a lot of furniture that Ron and I had bought while we were married. Even if I don't keep everything I can still have a huge swap meet sale with it...
When we were done with that we went home and all took a nap. Ok, so me and C. took a nap. My mom stayed up talking on the phone for over an hour. She got something in the mail for my step dad. (He's working in Las Vegas at the moment.) It's a paper filed with the court saying there's a bench warrant out for his arrest because of unpaid child support! They want to put him in jail for a year! Now please don't jump to conclusions about this.... My step dad raised both of his kids up until they were 15 and 17. Then they decided they'd rather live with their mom because she let them get away with what ever they wanted to. Since living with her neither one graduated high school and they're now 21 and 19 going on 20. Long story short, their mother is one sneaky b****. Somehow my step dad owes her thousands and thousands of dollars... He'll be paying her $300 a month til the day he dies. Hopefully it all gets cleared up soon. The months they're talking about are months when he was out of work.... Which is why he's so far away from home working in Las Vegas! Ugh... I hate the court system sometimes.
Later that night my sister, her husband and my niece came over. Her husband just got laid off and my mom was helping him file for unemployment. (This economy SUCKS right now!) The whole time they were here C. wouldn't leave him alone. He kept bringing out all of his toys to show him and kept wanting him to pick him up. It was cute, but at the same time heartbreaking. He's craving some male attention! Attention that his daddy should be giving him, but he's not. Moms and grandma's just aren't the same as daddy's... We don't rough house or wrestle on the ground. We don't like watching football. We don't swing him around in the air... I really wish Ron would get his head out of the clouds and start spending every second he can with C. before he has to leave to SC.
When we were done with that we went home and all took a nap. Ok, so me and C. took a nap. My mom stayed up talking on the phone for over an hour. She got something in the mail for my step dad. (He's working in Las Vegas at the moment.) It's a paper filed with the court saying there's a bench warrant out for his arrest because of unpaid child support! They want to put him in jail for a year! Now please don't jump to conclusions about this.... My step dad raised both of his kids up until they were 15 and 17. Then they decided they'd rather live with their mom because she let them get away with what ever they wanted to. Since living with her neither one graduated high school and they're now 21 and 19 going on 20. Long story short, their mother is one sneaky b****. Somehow my step dad owes her thousands and thousands of dollars... He'll be paying her $300 a month til the day he dies. Hopefully it all gets cleared up soon. The months they're talking about are months when he was out of work.... Which is why he's so far away from home working in Las Vegas! Ugh... I hate the court system sometimes.
Later that night my sister, her husband and my niece came over. Her husband just got laid off and my mom was helping him file for unemployment. (This economy SUCKS right now!) The whole time they were here C. wouldn't leave him alone. He kept bringing out all of his toys to show him and kept wanting him to pick him up. It was cute, but at the same time heartbreaking. He's craving some male attention! Attention that his daddy should be giving him, but he's not. Moms and grandma's just aren't the same as daddy's... We don't rough house or wrestle on the ground. We don't like watching football. We don't swing him around in the air... I really wish Ron would get his head out of the clouds and start spending every second he can with C. before he has to leave to SC.
Monday, December 8, 2008
It's Official
I just got a notice in the mail on Saturday that the settlement we submitted has been filed and is now official. It's kinda depressing to think about. My marriage to the man I've loved with all my heart for 6 years is really over with. Even more depressing to think about is that our 5th wedding anniversary is coming up on the 20th of this month. Thank goodness for my grandma though! She planned her annual Christmas party on that day... So hopefully I don't think about it too much.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Rough Weekend
Yesterday was really draining for me emotionally. I was stressed out, depressed, crying all day. It all started when I woke up. I laid there in bed and thought about writing an e-mail to Ron. I went over in my head everything that I wanted to say. As I lay there thinking of everything I started crying. After I got up I immediately went to work on the e-mail. It took me about an hour to type out and I went through lots of tears by the time I was done. Everything I said in the e-mail came straight from the heart and it's everything that I've been wanting to tell him for several months. Later that day he let me know he read it... Apparently he thought I was being mean... he said at first he was sad, then angry and now he's completely depressed. (I guess it got through to him.)
Here's the e-mail I sent:
Ron,
I've been going over again and again in my head what I wanted to say in this e-mail. Now that I'm sitting here typing it out, my mind suddenly went blank... so bare with me.
I've been thinking about how you keep saying that you want to be a good father. I've always told you that actions speak louder than words. You've been back in SD now for over a month and you have yet to take C. for any kind of visitation. Seeing him here at my house or with me there with you guys does not count as visitation. Instead you've taken not one, but TWO trips to visit your mistress. Where in the world are your priorities at? Certainly not with C. You say you want to be with C and see him as often as you can, but your actions say otherwise. Now you're preparing for a big move to the East Coast.
You had to have seen this coming... They've been trying to get you out of here for a couple years now. Because of this move you, C. and B. will NEVER have the relationship I always dreamed of you guys having. I didn't want things to turn out like they did during my childhood.... (and my mom and dad have always lived right down the street from each other.) When moms and dads split up, one parent will always turn in to the "Disneyland Dad". My dad was this kind of dad. He was never able to disipline us. He was never involved in our school work or activities. He was never there for us when we got hurt... He was just the dad that took us places on the weekends and brought us back home when the weekend was over. C. and B. won't even get THAT much and it's breaking my heart to know they will never grow up with their father.
Please don't bring up the crazy idea of us moving to SC again either... That's the most absurd thing I've heard come out of your mouth lately. If you wanted them to be with you all the time you should have given our marriage a REAL shot at working out. Being married to their mom is the ONLY way you'd ever be able to be a really good dad. If we were still together we'd ALL be preparing for this move right now.
You wouldn't be having to miss B.'s birth. You wouldn't be missing all of B.'s firsts.... first smile, first time rolling over, first laugh... You missed just about everything with T. You missed a hell of a lot with C. and I thought this time around could be different... for both of us.
When I got pregnant with B. I really thought I finally had the husband and father to my babies that I've been waiting for. You were getting better with C. and with being there for me. I thought that by the time B. was born you'd be there with me through every thing. I thought you'd be there to rush me to the hospital, go through all the ins and outs of labor and delivery with me. I imagined us being there together with our newborn baby boy being more in love with each other than ever before. Instead it turned in to something that I'm stressing about. Wondering who will be taking me to the hospital. Wondering who will be able to stay with me the entire time. Wondering who is going to be sharing that incredible feeling when B. comes out and we hear that first cry of his. Wondering who will be the one to take me and my newborn home from the hospital. That "who" was all supposed to be YOU.
How many families are you going to create and break apart before the cycle stops?? I can understand why you and D. didn't work out, but I thought it was different with us. We planned to get married. We planned to start a family. Breaking up our family wasn't supposed to happen. Not to us. We had our ups and downs. Everyone does. There was never anything that we couldn't get through though. You never even gave us a chance this time. We spent 6 years together and it breaks my heart that you're throwing it all away for some fling you had in Florida! You broke up your family over it! I really hope she is truly worth everything you lost because of her. You lost me. You lost your boys. You lost your family and a home to go to after work every night. You lost the ability to see your third son come in to this world. You lost your chance to watch them grow up... You will never again be able to read to C. on a nightly basis. To tuck him in at night. To kiss him goodnight. You will never again be able to see him be his crazy self everyday. He does stuff everyday that makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts! And you'll be missing all this and more when B. gets here.
I really hope you're a lot happier now without us than you were with us... (I still don't understand what it was about being my husband that was so hard for you...)
C. and B. will always do just fine because they'll always have each other and they'll always have me as a constant in their lives. It's just sad to know that they will never have the experience or joy that comes along with having both parents raise them under one roof.
Anyway, I suppose that's all I really wanted to say. I really hope you've thought long and hard about all of this before you decided to give up your chance at being a family with us. It would be incredibly sad if you decided a month or 6 months or a year from now that you've made a huge mistake... because by then the damage will have been done and the 3 of us will have moved on with our lives without you.
-T
Here's the e-mail I sent:
Ron,
I've been going over again and again in my head what I wanted to say in this e-mail. Now that I'm sitting here typing it out, my mind suddenly went blank... so bare with me.
I've been thinking about how you keep saying that you want to be a good father. I've always told you that actions speak louder than words. You've been back in SD now for over a month and you have yet to take C. for any kind of visitation. Seeing him here at my house or with me there with you guys does not count as visitation. Instead you've taken not one, but TWO trips to visit your mistress. Where in the world are your priorities at? Certainly not with C. You say you want to be with C and see him as often as you can, but your actions say otherwise. Now you're preparing for a big move to the East Coast.
You had to have seen this coming... They've been trying to get you out of here for a couple years now. Because of this move you, C. and B. will NEVER have the relationship I always dreamed of you guys having. I didn't want things to turn out like they did during my childhood.... (and my mom and dad have always lived right down the street from each other.) When moms and dads split up, one parent will always turn in to the "Disneyland Dad". My dad was this kind of dad. He was never able to disipline us. He was never involved in our school work or activities. He was never there for us when we got hurt... He was just the dad that took us places on the weekends and brought us back home when the weekend was over. C. and B. won't even get THAT much and it's breaking my heart to know they will never grow up with their father.
Please don't bring up the crazy idea of us moving to SC again either... That's the most absurd thing I've heard come out of your mouth lately. If you wanted them to be with you all the time you should have given our marriage a REAL shot at working out. Being married to their mom is the ONLY way you'd ever be able to be a really good dad. If we were still together we'd ALL be preparing for this move right now.
You wouldn't be having to miss B.'s birth. You wouldn't be missing all of B.'s firsts.... first smile, first time rolling over, first laugh... You missed just about everything with T. You missed a hell of a lot with C. and I thought this time around could be different... for both of us.
When I got pregnant with B. I really thought I finally had the husband and father to my babies that I've been waiting for. You were getting better with C. and with being there for me. I thought that by the time B. was born you'd be there with me through every thing. I thought you'd be there to rush me to the hospital, go through all the ins and outs of labor and delivery with me. I imagined us being there together with our newborn baby boy being more in love with each other than ever before. Instead it turned in to something that I'm stressing about. Wondering who will be taking me to the hospital. Wondering who will be able to stay with me the entire time. Wondering who is going to be sharing that incredible feeling when B. comes out and we hear that first cry of his. Wondering who will be the one to take me and my newborn home from the hospital. That "who" was all supposed to be YOU.
How many families are you going to create and break apart before the cycle stops?? I can understand why you and D. didn't work out, but I thought it was different with us. We planned to get married. We planned to start a family. Breaking up our family wasn't supposed to happen. Not to us. We had our ups and downs. Everyone does. There was never anything that we couldn't get through though. You never even gave us a chance this time. We spent 6 years together and it breaks my heart that you're throwing it all away for some fling you had in Florida! You broke up your family over it! I really hope she is truly worth everything you lost because of her. You lost me. You lost your boys. You lost your family and a home to go to after work every night. You lost the ability to see your third son come in to this world. You lost your chance to watch them grow up... You will never again be able to read to C. on a nightly basis. To tuck him in at night. To kiss him goodnight. You will never again be able to see him be his crazy self everyday. He does stuff everyday that makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts! And you'll be missing all this and more when B. gets here.
I really hope you're a lot happier now without us than you were with us... (I still don't understand what it was about being my husband that was so hard for you...)
C. and B. will always do just fine because they'll always have each other and they'll always have me as a constant in their lives. It's just sad to know that they will never have the experience or joy that comes along with having both parents raise them under one roof.
Anyway, I suppose that's all I really wanted to say. I really hope you've thought long and hard about all of this before you decided to give up your chance at being a family with us. It would be incredibly sad if you decided a month or 6 months or a year from now that you've made a huge mistake... because by then the damage will have been done and the 3 of us will have moved on with our lives without you.
-T
Friday, December 5, 2008
Completely Seperated
Today we finished going through all of our property at the storage unit. Luckily I went back there and went through the boxes once again because I accidentally left a big box that was full of my clothes and shoes! Everything that couldn't fit in his car had to stay behind. I really hate to see it all go, but there's nothing really to cry over. Just our dinning room table, chairs, some small furniture, books and some kitchen stuff. Nothing that can't be replaced. It's still sad to think it's all going to be auctioned off though. That was our life in there... memories... We ate as a family off of those plates and that table. We slept on those bedsheets. We read those books together.... Oh well...
We also went to the bank today to try to take me off of our joint account. Apparently they can't legally do that. How ridiculous is that? Even with me there giving them permission they can't do it! It's just a checking account! No credit cards, no loans, no outstanding balances of any sort.... They told us that they could CLOSE the account and open a new one, but they couldn't take my name off of it. The only problem with that is Ron has his direct deposit going there. Opening a new account & closing this one would screw it all up.
Another thing we did was take my name off of the car insurance. Luckily USAA offered me my own account and now I have my own "Non-Owner Policy." Now there won't be a lapse in coverage when I go to get my own car with my own insurance.
I think doing all of this today is really getting to Ron. I think it's making him realize everything he's losing. He let me know that he'll probably be going to medical soon because he's having a mental breakdown over everything. (Something I've been asking him to do since he returned from Iraq!) Hopefully he gets the help he needs for his depression/anxiety/paranoia. Too bad it's coming too little, too late. (For us anyway) It'll be a sad day when he comes crying back to me, BEGGING me to get back with him. It's not gonna happen. He's put me through too much shit to go back now. There was a time about 2 months ago that I would have taken him back, but that's not the case any longer. I've moved on with my life and he's just gonna have to accept everything that he's done. He really screwed up his life... not mine. Me and my babies are so much better off with out him. I think he's starting to see that...
We also went to the bank today to try to take me off of our joint account. Apparently they can't legally do that. How ridiculous is that? Even with me there giving them permission they can't do it! It's just a checking account! No credit cards, no loans, no outstanding balances of any sort.... They told us that they could CLOSE the account and open a new one, but they couldn't take my name off of it. The only problem with that is Ron has his direct deposit going there. Opening a new account & closing this one would screw it all up.
Another thing we did was take my name off of the car insurance. Luckily USAA offered me my own account and now I have my own "Non-Owner Policy." Now there won't be a lapse in coverage when I go to get my own car with my own insurance.
I think doing all of this today is really getting to Ron. I think it's making him realize everything he's losing. He let me know that he'll probably be going to medical soon because he's having a mental breakdown over everything. (Something I've been asking him to do since he returned from Iraq!) Hopefully he gets the help he needs for his depression/anxiety/paranoia. Too bad it's coming too little, too late. (For us anyway) It'll be a sad day when he comes crying back to me, BEGGING me to get back with him. It's not gonna happen. He's put me through too much shit to go back now. There was a time about 2 months ago that I would have taken him back, but that's not the case any longer. I've moved on with my life and he's just gonna have to accept everything that he's done. He really screwed up his life... not mine. Me and my babies are so much better off with out him. I think he's starting to see that...
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Hate is such a strong word, but...
I really do hate him sometimes!
All last week I had Ron's car because he went on a little vacation to visit the Amazon Woman. (Seriously, she's like 4 inches taller than Ronnie). I drove him to the airport so I agreed to pick him up too.
So last night C. and I went to pick him up. C. was all excited because I told him who we were going to get. He kept saying, "Dada! Dada!" over and over again. After entertaining C for about 10 minutes we finally spot Ron walking through the gate. I yell to him and he points to baggage claim and keeps walking. He was on his cell phone. When we catch up to him he bends down (phone still to ear) and says hi to C. Then he starts walking away and says he needs to smoke.... leaving C. and I standing there looking after him. His lip started quivering like he was going to start crying. My heart completely broke for C. He was so excited to see his Dada and Ron can't even get off the phone and wait to smoke for FIVE minutes after getting off the plane... and of course he was talking to HER.
At this point my pregnancy hormones kick in big time and I start balling my eyes out. I'm trying not to let C. see, but he can tell that I'm upset.
When Ron comes back in C. acted like he could care less that his dad was there. C. completely ignored him. When Ron asked what was wrong with me I went off on him... Of course he just brushed it off like I was making a big deal out of nothing. Excuse me?? That's my little boy's heart that you're breaking here! Thinking about it is making me get all teary eyed again.
Ugh! I HATE HIM! I hate him for what he did to our family! I hate him for not being the good father that he promised to be! I FUCKING HATE HIM! Why me? Why did he choose to marry me? Why did he want to have kids with me? Why did he do all of this only to turn around 6+ years later and screw up my life??? WHY?????!!!!!!!!! AND WHY DID I GO ALONG WITH IT????
I can't wait til he leaves for South Carolina and we never hear from him again. I only say that because I can already see it coming... He's been back in SD for almost a month and a half and has yet to have any kind of visitation with C. I doubt that will change from now until he leaves and I doubt it will change when he's 3000 miles away....
Thank God B. won't grow up having any kind of memory of this loser... at least not for the first several years of his life! At least I can spare him a few years of disappointment unlike C. who still gets excited when he hears the word Dada. =(
All last week I had Ron's car because he went on a little vacation to visit the Amazon Woman. (Seriously, she's like 4 inches taller than Ronnie). I drove him to the airport so I agreed to pick him up too.
So last night C. and I went to pick him up. C. was all excited because I told him who we were going to get. He kept saying, "Dada! Dada!" over and over again. After entertaining C for about 10 minutes we finally spot Ron walking through the gate. I yell to him and he points to baggage claim and keeps walking. He was on his cell phone. When we catch up to him he bends down (phone still to ear) and says hi to C. Then he starts walking away and says he needs to smoke.... leaving C. and I standing there looking after him. His lip started quivering like he was going to start crying. My heart completely broke for C. He was so excited to see his Dada and Ron can't even get off the phone and wait to smoke for FIVE minutes after getting off the plane... and of course he was talking to HER.
At this point my pregnancy hormones kick in big time and I start balling my eyes out. I'm trying not to let C. see, but he can tell that I'm upset.
When Ron comes back in C. acted like he could care less that his dad was there. C. completely ignored him. When Ron asked what was wrong with me I went off on him... Of course he just brushed it off like I was making a big deal out of nothing. Excuse me?? That's my little boy's heart that you're breaking here! Thinking about it is making me get all teary eyed again.
Ugh! I HATE HIM! I hate him for what he did to our family! I hate him for not being the good father that he promised to be! I FUCKING HATE HIM! Why me? Why did he choose to marry me? Why did he want to have kids with me? Why did he do all of this only to turn around 6+ years later and screw up my life??? WHY?????!!!!!!!!! AND WHY DID I GO ALONG WITH IT????
I can't wait til he leaves for South Carolina and we never hear from him again. I only say that because I can already see it coming... He's been back in SD for almost a month and a half and has yet to have any kind of visitation with C. I doubt that will change from now until he leaves and I doubt it will change when he's 3000 miles away....
Thank God B. won't grow up having any kind of memory of this loser... at least not for the first several years of his life! At least I can spare him a few years of disappointment unlike C. who still gets excited when he hears the word Dada. =(
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