Marriage, Year One

December 2003 - December 2004

I learned a lot that first year. A lot about life, about myself and about the man I just married. Neither one of us really thought things through. I was fresh out of high school and he went straight from one marriage right into another. I gave up a lot of my future plans in the name of love and I think in a way I actually started to resent Ronnie for it.

I decided against joining the Marine Corps and instead of going to college like all of my friends I started working in retail full time. My hours at work were awful. I worked a lot of nights and weekends, which I hated. My new husband was working nights as well, but he had all weekends and holidays off. We spent very little time together during this time.

During the weekends while I worked he spent all his time either at his friend's house or the bars. He drank. A LOT. I didn't even realize that he had a drinking problem until we were married. Even though I knew that he had a problem with it he would never admit to it. He always said that he could handle his alcohol and he could stop drinking any time he wanted to. He drove home drunk almost every night. Some nights he wouldn't make it home and I would have to track him down.

Along with the drinking were the girls... He's a naturally friendly and flirtatious kind of guy and could make fast friends where ever he went. The girls that hung around the bars and his friend's houses showed lots of interest in him. I was still too young to go to the bar with him, but I saw girls flirting with him on the nights that we'd both have off. Nights like that always ended in me getting angry with him and him drinking more and more. I would usually leave him where ever we were and drive myself home... Only to be wondering what was going on without me there. I'd end up calling him all night.

(Thinking about this time in my life brings up all the hurt feelings as if this all happened yesterday. I was a very jealous and bitter person back then. I was angry all the time. Looking back on this now I don't even know why we stayed married! We had no kids. We didn't own anything besides our cars... I just kept telling myself that it would get better. That he would grow out of it and that we'd go back to how things were when we first met. I stayed because I didn't want a failed marriage at the age of 20. I didn't want to have to start my life over again... Little did I know that had I done it then things would have been MUCH easier.)

At the end of 2004 we found out that Ronnie would be leaving on deployment in January 2005. This one was different. He'd be on a ship that sailed around the world for 7 months. I was ready for him to leave....