February 2005 Ronnie deployed on a Navy ship that was sailing around the world. We didn't say our good-byes on the best of terms. I remember hugging him in our apartment and telling him that I loved him. I also begged him to keep the drinking to a minimum and to stay out of trouble... he knew I meant girls... His friends drove him to base. I waved to him from the balcony of our apartment and then went on with my day. I don't even remember why I didn't drive him. Maybe I had to work that day.
Ronnie had started off the deployment with a phone call about once a week and sent me at least one e-mail a day. As time went on I was getting about one phone call a month and about one e-mail a week. The phone calls lasted less than five minutes and the e-mails were boring, generic and sounding a bit forced. For about 2 months I e-mailed him every day... When I realized that I was getting nothing in return my e-mails slowed down too.
March 2005 was when the 1st affair happened... well I guess it wasn't really an affair... more like a one night stand. I didn't find out about it until AFTER the deployment. Ronnie was distancing himself from me because he had cheated on me. He had told me that some guy from the ship had flown his girlfriend from the States into Guam, which was their first stop. He didn't care for this guy and wanted to prove to who-knows-who that he could get this guy's girlfriend to sleep with him. (His favorite thing to say back then...and probably still... is, "I do what I want.") I truly believe that he doesn't think he'll have any consequences for his actions. At least at the time he's doing it. And of course he was completely drunk at the time. They did it in the bathroom of a club... In a bathroom stall. Classy, right?
Back at home I was hanging out with my best friend at the time, Melissa. She and her husband had just filed for divorce. (I think she was really hurt when it happened. She did what I did when Ronnie and I got divorced... She went looking for male attention. Not saying it's right, but I think we both dealt with it the same way.) She and I would hang out in Pacific Beach a lot. (Lots of bars, tattoo shops and guys!) We hung out with a lot of guys she knew during that time. After we both turned 21 we would also go to a bar every now and then. When I wasn't hanging out with her I was working... Until the night I went over to a friend's apartment...
That night changed everything for me.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Marriage, Year One
December 2003 - December 2004
I learned a lot that first year. A lot about life, about myself and about the man I just married. Neither one of us really thought things through. I was fresh out of high school and he went straight from one marriage right into another. I gave up a lot of my future plans in the name of love and I think in a way I actually started to resent Ronnie for it.
I decided against joining the Marine Corps and instead of going to college like all of my friends I started working in retail full time. My hours at work were awful. I worked a lot of nights and weekends, which I hated. My new husband was working nights as well, but he had all weekends and holidays off. We spent very little time together during this time.
During the weekends while I worked he spent all his time either at his friend's house or the bars. He drank. A LOT. I didn't even realize that he had a drinking problem until we were married. Even though I knew that he had a problem with it he would never admit to it. He always said that he could handle his alcohol and he could stop drinking any time he wanted to. He drove home drunk almost every night. Some nights he wouldn't make it home and I would have to track him down.
Along with the drinking were the girls... He's a naturally friendly and flirtatious kind of guy and could make fast friends where ever he went. The girls that hung around the bars and his friend's houses showed lots of interest in him. I was still too young to go to the bar with him, but I saw girls flirting with him on the nights that we'd both have off. Nights like that always ended in me getting angry with him and him drinking more and more. I would usually leave him where ever we were and drive myself home... Only to be wondering what was going on without me there. I'd end up calling him all night.
(Thinking about this time in my life brings up all the hurt feelings as if this all happened yesterday. I was a very jealous and bitter person back then. I was angry all the time. Looking back on this now I don't even know why we stayed married! We had no kids. We didn't own anything besides our cars... I just kept telling myself that it would get better. That he would grow out of it and that we'd go back to how things were when we first met. I stayed because I didn't want a failed marriage at the age of 20. I didn't want to have to start my life over again... Little did I know that had I done it then things would have been MUCH easier.)
At the end of 2004 we found out that Ronnie would be leaving on deployment in January 2005. This one was different. He'd be on a ship that sailed around the world for 7 months. I was ready for him to leave....
I learned a lot that first year. A lot about life, about myself and about the man I just married. Neither one of us really thought things through. I was fresh out of high school and he went straight from one marriage right into another. I gave up a lot of my future plans in the name of love and I think in a way I actually started to resent Ronnie for it.
I decided against joining the Marine Corps and instead of going to college like all of my friends I started working in retail full time. My hours at work were awful. I worked a lot of nights and weekends, which I hated. My new husband was working nights as well, but he had all weekends and holidays off. We spent very little time together during this time.
During the weekends while I worked he spent all his time either at his friend's house or the bars. He drank. A LOT. I didn't even realize that he had a drinking problem until we were married. Even though I knew that he had a problem with it he would never admit to it. He always said that he could handle his alcohol and he could stop drinking any time he wanted to. He drove home drunk almost every night. Some nights he wouldn't make it home and I would have to track him down.
Along with the drinking were the girls... He's a naturally friendly and flirtatious kind of guy and could make fast friends where ever he went. The girls that hung around the bars and his friend's houses showed lots of interest in him. I was still too young to go to the bar with him, but I saw girls flirting with him on the nights that we'd both have off. Nights like that always ended in me getting angry with him and him drinking more and more. I would usually leave him where ever we were and drive myself home... Only to be wondering what was going on without me there. I'd end up calling him all night.
(Thinking about this time in my life brings up all the hurt feelings as if this all happened yesterday. I was a very jealous and bitter person back then. I was angry all the time. Looking back on this now I don't even know why we stayed married! We had no kids. We didn't own anything besides our cars... I just kept telling myself that it would get better. That he would grow out of it and that we'd go back to how things were when we first met. I stayed because I didn't want a failed marriage at the age of 20. I didn't want to have to start my life over again... Little did I know that had I done it then things would have been MUCH easier.)
At the end of 2004 we found out that Ronnie would be leaving on deployment in January 2005. This one was different. He'd be on a ship that sailed around the world for 7 months. I was ready for him to leave....
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
My Past: September 2002 - December 2003
September 2002 -
Ronnie left for what we thought would be a 6-7 month deployment to Japan. We had no idea that the war in Iraq would break out in March 2003. We had no idea that he would be stuck there for a whole year. The whole time he was gone we stayed in constant contact with each other. We emailed several times a day and he called to talk to me for hours on end after work. Everything seemed perfect.
He came home to visit for a few weeks in December. He stayed for Christmas and my birthday. I was turning 19 in January 2003. He got down on one knee that day and proposed to me. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. We were both beyond happy with the way things were going. Only problem was that he was still legally married to his wife. He kept telling me that she was taking care of it and that it was supposed to be final as soon as he got back.
That never happened.
September 2003 -
Ronnie returned from Japan and their divorce STILL wasn't final yet. So he and I traveled the 6 hours up north to get her to sign the paperwork... and to visit with his son who was now 2. We found out that she was pregnant with some random man's baby. She didn't fight us about signing the paper work. She signed and we went back home. He was staying with us at my parent's house... in a separate room.
November 2003 -
We rented our first apartment together. (I actually live right next door to the complex he and I used to live in...) I wanted to wait until we were married, but I was already tired of living at my parents house. I think we really rushed things because we didn't want to stay there any more.
December 17th 2003 -
His divorce was final and we got the paperwork in the mail a few days later. We eloped the day we got it... on December 20th. The only people we told were my mom and my best friend.
-----
That first year of marriage wasn't the best...
Ronnie left for what we thought would be a 6-7 month deployment to Japan. We had no idea that the war in Iraq would break out in March 2003. We had no idea that he would be stuck there for a whole year. The whole time he was gone we stayed in constant contact with each other. We emailed several times a day and he called to talk to me for hours on end after work. Everything seemed perfect.
He came home to visit for a few weeks in December. He stayed for Christmas and my birthday. I was turning 19 in January 2003. He got down on one knee that day and proposed to me. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. We were both beyond happy with the way things were going. Only problem was that he was still legally married to his wife. He kept telling me that she was taking care of it and that it was supposed to be final as soon as he got back.
That never happened.
September 2003 -
Ronnie returned from Japan and their divorce STILL wasn't final yet. So he and I traveled the 6 hours up north to get her to sign the paperwork... and to visit with his son who was now 2. We found out that she was pregnant with some random man's baby. She didn't fight us about signing the paper work. She signed and we went back home. He was staying with us at my parent's house... in a separate room.
November 2003 -
We rented our first apartment together. (I actually live right next door to the complex he and I used to live in...) I wanted to wait until we were married, but I was already tired of living at my parents house. I think we really rushed things because we didn't want to stay there any more.
December 17th 2003 -
His divorce was final and we got the paperwork in the mail a few days later. We eloped the day we got it... on December 20th. The only people we told were my mom and my best friend.
-----
That first year of marriage wasn't the best...
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